A Guy With Some Marvel Cards

Ha HA! Do you see what I’ve done here? I’ve used a pen to write a question after the name of W.H.O. to indicate that I have no idea WHO (GET IT!?!??!) these guys are. This is the absolute HEIGHT of my comedic abilities. Seriously, it is. This is all I have. 

Surprise, they’re associated with Excalibur or something. I’m so sick of those guys. I swear I’ve been reading comics for over 20 years and there was NEVER a time in my life when I cared about Excalibur and yet if these trading cards are any indication they were a BIG DEAL at some point. 

(Also, please spare me your emails, tweets, messages, threats, etc extolling the virtues of any version of Excalibur past, present, or future. I’ll never care. I promise.) 

Gambit in all of his Jim Lee drawn, 3D, hologrammed glory! 

Still terrible. Just the worst. 

Plus Gambit’s from the backwood bayous of Louisiana or something so if he even SAW a hologram he’d probably think it was voodoo magic and try to kill it with fire. What an idiot. 

thedazzlingone:

fuckyeahalisonblaire:

aguywithsomemarvelcards:

This is not a Dazzler that I’m familiar with. 

I know Disco Dazzler. She was pretty cool, but this looks like geared up, paramilitary Dazzler. I don’t know her. 

That said, Dazzler’s powers are pretty cool. She turns sound into light and energy blasts (have Dazzler and Siryn ever teamed up? That’s some Thelma and Louise lady power team-up shit that practically writes itself right there. YOU’RE WELCOME, MARVEL!).

I’d like to have Dazzler’s powers at about 1:45 AM every morning when the bar across the street empties out. Zapping loud, drunk dickheads with energy blasts powered by their own slurred, nonsensical shouting would be really REALLY satisfying. 

Dazz and Siryn have teamed up two times, but I don’t think they were the awesome moments they could have been, though :[ Hopefully, if they do team up again, it’ll be the awesome I know it could be.

Great card :)

Teaming up!

Asked and answered. Thanks, die hard Dazzler fans (and who knew that there were die hard Dazzler fans?).

This is not a Dazzler that I’m familiar with. 

I know Disco Dazzler. She was pretty cool, but this looks like geared up, paramilitary Dazzler. I don’t know her. 

That said, Dazzler’s powers are pretty cool. She turns sound into light and energy blasts (have Dazzler and Siryn ever teamed up? That’s some Thelma and Louise lady power team-up shit that practically writes itself right there. YOU’RE WELCOME, MARVEL!).

I’d like to have Dazzler’s powers at about 1:45 AM every morning when the bar across the street empties out. Zapping loud, drunk dickheads with energy blasts powered by their own slurred, nonsensical shouting would be really REALLY satisfying. 

How much do I dig on Lockheed? 

He’s a product of that shitbox of a super team and weak ass Marvel property Excalibur and I STILL think he’s cool. 

More teams need an animal mascot type character and on that note I would TOTALLY read a Lockjaw/Lockeed team-up. 

Reminder: Gambit is terrible. 

Hang on, let me Gambit that up for you: ”Jus’ so’s you don’ be forgettin’ Gambit is trés terriblé my petite”. 

If your key characteristic is a badly written accent then you’re terrible. 

He’s a guy. He’s really strong. So they called him “Strong Guy”. It’s like something out of a Tick comic. 

Least creative name EVER. 

And I say that knowing full well that this was the same era of Marvel Comics when we were simply calling Jean Grey “Jean Grey”. 

A lot of things during this era of comics got “grim and gritty” and much of it was needless posturing to try to make comics hardcore and cool and adult. So much of it was incredibly lame and obviously trying too hard. They just made everyone ANGRY. Sometimes for no reason. 

But I don’t care if that’s where this version of Archangel came from because he’s TOTALLY awesome. Trading in your feathery wings for razor sharp tools of death and oh by the way your skin is now blue? Upgrade I say. 

Plus since his wings are all mechanical or whatever the fact that he could fold them up and hide them inside his clothes or that backpack or whatever suddenly made a lot more sense. 

C’mon… The secondary color of his costume is PINK and he’s still fucking hardcore. 

Don’t call it a comeback, I’ve been here for years. 

Ok, well not HERE here, but I’ve been around. I’ve been sorting cards and shredding packs and shit. 

So here we go with Uncanny X-Men Trading Cards featuring art by Mr. Jim Lee. 

Right out of the box there’s some mutie weirdness. TWO packs back to back were not only identical, but they BOTH contained holograms. Not bad, I’m impressed with this box so far. 

Are you a fan of these cards? Have a card or a character that you’d like to see featured? Gimme a shout in the ask page. 

The hardest thing about being the Punisher is that your pants are ALWAYS falling down at the thighs. Luckily Microchip (who tragically doesn’t have a card in this set, because who DOESN’T love a pudgy nerd who hangs out in a van and knows a lot about weapons) rigged up these sweet thigh belts to keep Frank’s pants from doing anything stupid. 

Good lookin’ out Micro. 

Look I’m not saying that you can tell a lot about a person based on whether they’re a Blue Team person or a Gold Team person, but if you’re a Gold Team person I don’t really want to talk to you and I don’t think we can be friends anymore. 

You understand, right? 

I’ll tell you what’s an abomination. Not this big bag of green scaly gamma irradiated fanged fury comin’ right atcha. No, the true crime against nature here is 90s Marvel’s goddamn obsession with trench coats. 

Where do you even BUY a trench coat in a size 56 tall and irradiated? Especially when it looks like you live in the sewer (dude, you’re not Killer Croc, have a little class)? 

Team-up indeed. Listen, I’m as open minded as the next guy, but human/robot love? No dice! 

ADAM AND EVE NOT A PILE OF NUTS AND BOLTS AND WIRES AND METAL AND EVE! 

Clearly my slogan need work. 

For a couple of genocidal, Nazi, fascists these guys look a little… What’s the word I’m looking for… FAAAAABBBBBUUUULLLLOOUUUUS!  

Oh hey Cardiac, the 90s called and they want EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU BACK. 

The ONLY thing I can respect about this cat is the Kirby Krackle he has going on around his left hand. Everything else looks like an American Gladiator threw up on an Image comic.