A Guy With Some Marvel Cards

There’s always that one woman in your life. You know the...

Tue, 21 May 2013 11:16:45 -0700

There’s always that one woman in your life. You know the one. THAT one.

Maybe it’s an on again/off again relationship or a long distance thing or maybe a “friends with benefits when we’re in the same place we’re together unless we’re not and it’s all really confusing” mess.

But no matter HOW you define it, when she comes to town it’s never quiet and shit goes DOWN and it’s so fucking passionate and chaotic and crazy and you’re in love, but as great as it is it’s also hella complicated and sometimes tempers flare and you fight and shit keeps getting blown up and there are probably some space pirates or alien parasites or some intergalactic conflict bringing the possibility of the extermination of all life on earth crashing down on your doorstep?

Yeah, I’ve been in that relationship. At least Xavier gets a hover-chair out of the deal.

super-graphic: Storm stats. Sadly they failed to include the...

Wed, 08 May 2013 08:37:21 -0700

super-graphic:

Storm stats.

Sadly they failed to include the most vital Storm stat of them all: Percentage better (and hotter) Mohawk Storm is than all other Storms: 1,000,000,000,000,000%

Don’t even question this. I’ve done the maths.

xcyclopswasrightx: Just found my favorite Gambit cosplay,...

Wed, 01 May 2013 13:57:37 -0700

xcyclopswasrightx:

Just found my favorite Gambit cosplay, EVER.

Anyone know her name?

Ok… This is an improvement.

But Gambit is still awful.

I’ve covered most of Kylun’s shortcomings in a...

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 11:55:55 -0700

I’ve covered most of Kylun’s shortcomings in a previous post (nice hair, dick (Not Kylun, me. Well… also Kylun I guess))., but never let it be said that I’m not willing to beat a dead horse if there’s even a micron of (supposed) comedy to squeeze out of it.

So here’s the Jim Lee baddassified version of Kylun and I’ll admit he looks a little tougher than the last one, but Kylun gonna Kylun so I’m not sure how seriously I can take the Michael Winslow from Police Academy of Excalibur no matter HOW many swords and grimaces he has.

And between the fur and the metal pants (and how do THOSE even work? Even if they DO have some sort of space technology that makes them lightweight and flexible or whatever you just KNOW Kylun has gotten lil Kylun pinched in there somewhere and that’s GOT to hurt… no wonder he looks so mad.) KyKy has got to smell like a wet dog blanket that’s been in the trunk for a month.

Additional Notes: Way too keep the background simple and uncluttered here, Ed. Doorway, three different bits of trim/molding converging, tiny bit of action figure over my shoulder, smoke detector… bang up job paying attention to the details. Idiot.

daveloves90scomics: terribletriplefeatures: Punisher 2099 by...

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 10:41:45 -0800

daveloves90scomics:

terribletriplefeatures:

Punisher 2099 by Joe Jusko

This is for you, Shawn Depasquale.

You only THINK his crotch is super well armored and protected, but if memory serves those cylinder-y things were some kind of grenade/missile explosive devices.

If I had to choose a place to carry my high explosives it probably wouldn’t be right on top of my dick, but that’s just me.

The future is weird…

daveloves90scomics: X-Men Pool Party, Y’all!! Jim Lee 1992 How...

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 16:39:16 -0800

daveloves90scomics:

X-Men Pool Party, Y’all!! Jim Lee 1992

How awesome does the X-Men pool party look? Beast’s cannonball, Iceman freezing the pool, Colossus and Jubilee’s flex-off, Gambit creeping on the ladies, Wolverine may be the first dude to ever pull off male Daisy Dukes cut-offs, but by golly he is and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Psylocke in a bathing suit is responsible for at least 2/3 of my puberty.

AT LEAST!

I almost shut this entire thing down. Of all the trials and...

Tue, 15 Jan 2013 11:24:00 -0800

I almost shut this entire thing down.

Of all the trials and tribulations of running this site (and here I’m mostly talking about the brain-space I’ve had to dedicate to wastes of time like The New Warriors) THIS bullshit was almost too much to bear.

I’d killed the entire box of packs and after sorting and stacking and putting everything in place because there’s a place for everything I was ONE. CARD. SHORT! of the full Danger Room picture.

Unacceptable.

I swear to Mojo II I was about to start trawling eBay for single X-Men Series II cards and if that’s not rock bottom I don’t know what is (writing this much about The Danger Room isn’t too far away now that I think about it).

But then I saw it. Hiding there under a pile of discarded pack wrappers like one last onion ring hiding under the side salad that came with your burger that you KNEW you weren’t going to eat I spotted one last unopened pack.

Could it be? Could I BE that lucky? Could The Phoenix Force smile down and bestow its splendiferousness upon me in the form of the one all important missing card?

Believe in miracles, friends. Because as improbable as it sounds that’s EXACTLY what happened.

Boom! Done.

So now I can die happy… Or at least moderately less sad I guess.

And yes, bury me with my Marvel Cards. ALL of them (especially the holograms… You can keep the Gambits).

Uncanny X-Men in a basketball match by Jim Lee I can’t...

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 13:58:10 -0800

Uncanny X-Men in a basketball match by Jim Lee

I can’t even tell you how much I always loved the sports themed issues and scenes from X-Men. Anytime they’d play softball, football, basketball, or whatever it was always great.

Even if they always followed a similar pattern of “hey we said no powers!” they were still so so great.

If they sold a collection of all of those I swear I’d buy it.

daveloves90scomics: Rob Liefeld and Eazy-E. Youngbloodz n...

Tue, 04 Dec 2012 09:42:03 -0800

daveloves90scomics:

Rob Liefeld and Eazy-E. Youngbloodz n Crips. Because 90’s.

Yeah, so when I’m wondering what the hell was going on in the 90’s to produce such whacked out cards and characters as currently featured (mocked) on A Guy With Some Marvel Cards I have to remember that it was an era that produced team-ups and photographs like this one.

Stuff like Epoch looks downright normal by comparison, doesn’t it?

(Now an Eazy-E/Easy Reader crossover? THAT would have been RAD!)

i have 1995 marvel cards i was wondering how much they would worth. they contain spider man green goblin black cat captain america and one gold signture card

Wed, 28 Nov 2012 11:09:00 -0800

I get this question, or a question like this, somewhat regularly and i always MEAN to get around to answering… and then never do. Because I’m the worst.

Here’s the thing: I have NO EARTHLY IDEA. I picked up the boxes of cards that I feature on this site from joints like eBay and Craigslist or from the “please buy this so we don’t have to pack it up and take it back home” bin at comic cons.

My best guess, since nearly everything from the 90’s was over-printed, over-collected, and over-hoarded, is that they ain’t worth much (bear in mind that I am not a collectibles expert or a financial adviser… which should be evident based on the fact that I spend my disposable income on comic book trading cards that I buy over the internet).

But at least you have the memories. The precious precious memories.

Even if you can’t sell ‘em for beer/rent/ransom money you can at least flip through the cards and marvel (see what I did there?) at the majestic history of the Marvel Universe. Have fun!

I was on a podcast! Loikamania episode 115 to be exact. And I...

Tue, 27 Nov 2012 11:27:58 -0800

I was on a podcast! Loikamania episode 115 to be exact.

And I was great! Ok, the other guys were great, but I think I kept up ok.

We talked about 90’s comics and if you like Marvel Trading Cards (and I assume that you do because you’re reading this, but maybe you just like beard-y guys making stupid facial expressions at a webcam and if so you’re out of luck because I haven’t done a podcast about that… yet) then chances are you’re a fan of 90’s comics.

If you’re not a fan of 90’s comics you’re probably at least AWARE of them (unless you had some sort of of experimental brain surgery to remove all knowledge of 90’s comics from your brain. Which I GUESS is possible, but that seems unlikely and more than a little extreme even if it WOULD scrub all remnants of Maximum Carnage from your brain… Hmmmm… Actually, if you DID get that surgery can you give me the name of your doctor?).

In any event perhaps you’ll enjoy hearing two handsome and funny gentlemen and also me talking about 90’s comics. I guess it’s also possible (a pessimist might even say probable) that you’ll hate every single second of it. I can’t help you with that, but I am a little curious about the long series of life choices that brought you to this point in your existence where you’re incapable of feeling joy.

I pity you.

Wherever you fall on the “ability to feel joy” spectrum you should definitely listen to this podcast. For a fun drinking game take a drink every time I interrupt Pat or Dave, talk over everyone else, derail the conversation, or get distracted and forget what I was

Later, when you sober up (assuming you aren’t dead from alcohol poisoning within the first 18 minutes of the show), you should listen to ALL of Pat’s podcasts and follow him on Twitter because he likes comics and you like comics so maybe you’ll all be best friends forever.

On a personal note, I like Pat. I’m envious of his boundless optimism and steadfast commitment to talking about and supporting things that he likes in and about comics instead bitching about and shitting all over things he doesn’t like. It’s an ugly place where comics meet the internet and it can quickly turn into a wretched hive of scum and villainy where cynical, cowardly, and superstitious fans spend more time talking about what they DON’T like (writers who mix their pop culture references) than what they do (beards). But Pat says “FUCK THAT” (he probably says it nicer than that because he’s SO fucking nice) and commits his time and energy to books, artists, writers, and stories that he genuinely enjoys. Pat’s a pretty great guy (even if he is constantly threatening to destroy me).

And because I don’t want Dave to feel left out (and because I sort of owe him a solid since I stole the entire premise of this very site from him), you should do ALL of your Christmas and/or Hanukkah shopping at his Lucky Lefty Art Emporium and Discount Speaker Outlet (which may not be what his online shop is actually called, but maybe it should be. That one’s on me Dave. We’re even now.) because he’s a ridiculously talented painter and you or someone you love would be damn lucky to hang one of his paintings on your or their wall (people you hate would probably like his paintings as well, but seriously why are you buying Christmas presents for your enemies? If you’re anything like me that’s going to, like, triple the amount of shopping you have to do).

I don’t know who in the Marvel U throws the craziest sex...

Mon, 19 Nov 2012 10:05:44 -0800

I don’t know who in the Marvel U throws the craziest sex parties, but I’m almost sure The Hellfire Club cracks the top 5. Let’s do a rundown of the top five (in no particular order other than the order I thought of these):

Hellfire Club: This is some old-style ruffly collars for the gentlemen and fancy corsets for the ladies sex partying. Cream of the crop, high quality talent. Lots of chains and whips and freaky bondage stuff.

The Hand: Crazy-ass orgies and with all the ninja masks it’s all pretty anonymous so you can really cut loose, but you have to smoke a bunch of weird ninja drugs to “expand your mind” first and what’s the point of a crazy ninja orgy if you’re too fucking stoned to even remember any of it, right?.

The Serpent Society: Trick question. No one wants to sleep with anyone in the Serpent Society. They keep trying to throw super villain swinger parties, but no one shows up and then it’s just kind of sad. Plus they have all these leftover cheese and crackers.

AIM: You know how the accounting department wherever you work seems like a bunch of uptight, number crunching, nerdlingers, but then the company Christmas party rolls around and they get a few drinks in them and all of the sudden Tina from Accounts Payable is dancing topless on a table and then she disappears into a supply closet with Craig and Scott from Payroll? Like that. But with lasers and weather controlling machines and shit. M.O.D.O.K. just likes to watch. It’s as weird as it sounds.

The Sinister Six: All dudes. That doesn’t stop them from exploring some stuff.

bartdontlie: Ok. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe THIS is the X-Men art...

Thu, 27 Sep 2012 00:40:34 -0700

bartdontlie:

Ok. Maybe I was wrong.

Maybe THIS is the X-Men art that really touches my soul.

Yeah, that’s weird.

In other news: San Francisco is SOOOOO San Francisco.

agentmlovestacos: Some classic #XMen trading cards at @Marvel...

Tue, 25 Sep 2012 10:21:35 -0700

agentmlovestacos:

Some classic #XMen trading cards at @Marvel HQ. Art by @jimlee. I LOVE GIDEON SO MUCH. #comics #art #illustration (Taken with Instagram)

The promised land…

Gideon’s hair might out 90’s even Maverick (but not Shatterstar. NEVER Shatterstar).

I’m going to be up front here. I’ve failed you on...

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 11:30:57 -0700

I’m going to be up front here. I’ve failed you on this one.

I wanted so badly to write something clever about Boom Boom and the era she came from. Something about X-Force and what they were all about. How they represented, for better or worse, a sort of changing of the guard for Marvel and the entire X-Universe. Maybe even some REALLY stretched thing about Boom Boom’s vapid personality and ability to create brightly colored flashy time bombs and how that’s totally a metaphor for the shiny, explosive, but ultimately empty flash that was comics in the 90s.

I set out wanting to do ALL of that.

But when I look at this card and I see her name all I can hear in my head is a big fat kid filling his diaper and saying “UH OH! I MADE A BOOM BOOM!”.

So that’s what you get.

I’m so sorry.

Back before we concerned ourselves with stupid insignificant...

Thu, 13 Sep 2012 16:01:00 -0700

Back before we concerned ourselves with stupid insignificant bullshit like Apple vs. Android, the multiple bloody clashes between Team Edward and Team Jacob*, and Y2K hysteria vs. common sense we had REAL problems to deal with.

Way back when we had two separate, but (supposedly) equal X-Men teams and if you didn’t believe STRONGLY that one was significantly better than the other then you were lying to the entire world and to your own stupid self. Idiot.

Anyone with an IQ higher than that of the pants I’m currently wearing KNOWS in the center of their very heart and soul that the Blue Team was where it was at.

“But Ed”, you say handsomely and intelligently, “the Blue Team had Gambit and you hate Gambit. And then you mix in the OTHER worst accent in the Marvel U in the form of Rogue’s ‘sugah’s and other faux southern charm bullshit ‘ah say ah say ah say’ Foghorn Leghorn colloquialisms. And Jubilee? You’re really going to claim that the team with cut-rate Marvel version of Robin, Jubilee, is the superior team? You’re an idiot and more than a little crazy and probably drunk and you’ve just absolutely shredded every last bit of credibility you’ve built up by being right about everything for years”.

First of all: Good for you for having strong feelings about this. If we can’t care about the important stuff like how awful Gambit is then what are we even doing here?

Secondly: Look, all of that is true (not the me being drunk part… as far as you know) but overcoming the black hole of suck that is Gambit and still being the best is testament to HOW COOL the Blue Team was. And this isn’t just the knee-jerk reaction of 12 year old fanboy Ed thinking “WOLVERINE IS SO COOL” (ok, it’s a little bit that), it’s Cyclops being strong leader Cyclops and Beast saying “oh my stars and garters” and fighting Omega Red and Jim Lee and travelling to the Mojoverse toOK FINE IT’S BECAUSE OF THIS DRAWING OF PSYLOCKE IN THIS BATHING SUIT OK!!!!!!

What can I say? Purple haired British psychics transformed into Japanese assassins by falling through the Siege Perilous except it wasn’t really a transformation because she was sort of mind and body melded/swapped with an entirely different person so her mind and powers were all jumbled and split between two people and the X-Men were just all “well I guess she’s Japanese now, case closed” but then the “real” Psylocke showed up and they fought and something about cybernetic eyes (and maybe the Legacy Virus?) and I’m sure it all got worked out eventually, but by that point I was taking a break from the X-Men so I’m not really sure what wound up happening to her) are a real weak spot for me. I’m complicated.

————————————————————————————————-

*Having recently seen a Twilight movies (I don’t know which one… the one where they stand around in the woods with furrowed brows and look really worried about stuff. That one.) can I just ask how this is even a fucking question? The pale broody guy who pulls that classic “I love you, that’s why I have to abandon you” bullshit and probably listens to a lot of really sad bastard music and you KNOW he’s always cold and clammy OR the muscly Native American kid who always has your back, does sweet parkour jump kick moves to get up to your second floor window, rarely wears a shirt, and TURNS INTO A TOTALLY RAD FUCKING WOLF (ok, yeah, he’s walking around in jean shorts a lot, but still)? Seriously!?!? How did this stretch out over several movies? Get your shit together frowny, pouty girl. Furrow your brow REAL hard and realize that you have the opportunity to date someone WHO TURNS INTO A GIANT FUCKING WOLF!

Shatterstar is just SO Shatterstar-y. There’s really no...

Tue, 11 Sep 2012 14:15:58 -0700

Shatterstar is just SO Shatterstar-y. There’s really no other way to describe him.

You could go on and on about Liefeld or the scourge of the 90s and how headgear and bad hair and shoulder pads and belt/thigh/arm/cock pouches endeavored to DESTROY ALL COMICS.

How gimmick covers and BIG SHOCKING (ultimately meaningless) deaths and 22 pages of splash page pin-ups were acceptable substitutes for plots and character development and good writing. How character development meant giving a character a bigger gun or making him “gritty” and “real”. You could look at Shatterstar and legitimately argue that he’s a walking embodiment of ALL of that.

But somehow Shatterstar transcends. He takes all of that stuff to the next level SO FUCKING HARD that you can’t help but just sit back, smile, and say “damn… Shatterstar is just SO Shatterstar-y”.

Also, he has a sword with TWO blades side by side. How you gonna fuck with that?

Ha HA! Do you see what I’ve done here? I’ve used a...

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 13:26:44 -0700

Ha HA! Do you see what I’ve done here? I’ve used a pen to write a question after the name of W.H.O. to indicate that I have no idea WHO (GET IT!?!??!) these guys are. This is the absolute HEIGHT of my comedic abilities. Seriously, it is. This is all I have.

Surprise, they’re associated with Excalibur or something. I’m so sick of those guys. I swear I’ve been reading comics for over 20 years and there was NEVER a time in my life when I cared about Excalibur and yet if these trading cards are any indication they were a BIG DEAL at some point.

(Also, please spare me your emails, tweets, messages, threats, etc extolling the virtues of any version of Excalibur past, present, or future. I’ll never care. I promise.)

Gambit in all of his Jim Lee drawn, 3D, hologrammed...

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 14:10:00 -0700

Gambit in all of his Jim Lee drawn, 3D, hologrammed glory!

Still terrible. Just the worst.

Plus Gambit’s from the backwood bayous of Louisiana or something so if he even SAW a hologram he’d probably think it was voodoo magic and try to kill it with fire. What an idiot.

thedazzlingone: fuckyeahalisonblaire: aguywithsomemarvelcards: ...

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 14:57:55 -0700

thedazzlingone:

fuckyeahalisonblaire:

aguywithsomemarvelcards:

This is not a Dazzler that I’m familiar with.

I know Disco Dazzler. She was pretty cool, but this looks like geared up, paramilitary Dazzler. I don’t know her.

That said, Dazzler’s powers are pretty cool. She turns sound into light and energy blasts (have Dazzler and Siryn ever teamed up? That’s some Thelma and Louise lady power team-up shit that practically writes itself right there. YOU’RE WELCOME, MARVEL!).

I’d like to have Dazzler’s powers at about 1:45 AM every morning when the bar across the street empties out. Zapping loud, drunk dickheads with energy blasts powered by their own slurred, nonsensical shouting would be really REALLY satisfying.

Dazz and Siryn have teamed up two times, but I don’t think they were the awesome moments they could have been, though :[ Hopefully, if they do team up again, it’ll be the awesome I know it could be.

Great card :)

Teaming up!

Asked and answered. Thanks, die hard Dazzler fans (and who knew that there were die hard Dazzler fans?).