A Guy With Some Marvel Cards

Look. It’s important to understand that you have choices.

You can read my dumb Marvel Card jokes (something something pouches something shoulder pads etc etc huge gun/penis joke whatever) and try to reach through the screen and touch the idiot beard that adorns my goofy face that I cram into every post because narcissism… 

OR

You can check out Dave over at Dave Loves 90’s Comics because he’s doing real shit and throwing down some legitimately good writing about what we knew then vs what we know now in regards to the BIG MYSTERIES in the Marvel Universe of yesteryear. 

Dave’s really good at this stuff. That’s why I steal everything from him. 

daveloves90scomics:

Revealing the Unrevealed: Solving the Mysteries of the 90’s

I was reading the backs of some of my old Marvel Cards and was amused by how many of the characters introduced in 90’s identities and origins were clouded in mystery at the time. I remember clearly wondering what answers to these questions were, as a kid. Since then the creators at Marvel have endeavored to fill in these blanks, crafting origin stories and convoluted histories. I got the idea to do a new feature here, revealing what was at the time unrevealed, solving these mysteries of the Nineties. And so we begin with a character that in many ways embodies the 90’s- Cable.

Introduced in the final issues of New Mutants and created by Rob Liefeld & Louise Simonson, Cable became a very popular and influential character, bringing complex shoulder-padded armor, glowing eyes and big guns into style. New Mutants mutated into the Cable-led team of X-Force, which when launched as a new series in 1991 went on to become one of the biggest selling comics of all time. Cable turned the fledgling teen mutants into a military strike force, molded in his image. Not much was known about the grizzled warrior, until years later.

The back of his card lists his name as “Unrevealed”, but comics readers today know him as Nathan Dayspring Askani’son, aka Nathan Christopher Charles Summers- the son of Scott Summers (Cyclops) and (Jean Grey clone) Madelyne Pryor.

While the bio information here states that the “cyborg warrior known as Cable is a man of mystery” today we know that Cable isn’t really a cyborg at all, but a powerful telekinetic mutant, stricken with the debilitating techno-organic virus which threatened to consume his entire life, if not held in check by his mental powers. It turns out Cable was gathering young mutants to prepare them to help him battle evil mutant supreme Apocalypse, the jerk responsible for exposing Baby Nate to the dreaded virus, and who rules the dystopian future the Cable was raised in (see what I’m talking about with “convoluted”?).

Here’s something notable about the back of Cable’s card- it lists his height as 6’8”! Cyclops’ baby boy could’ve been a baller if not for Apocalypse! 

I’ve read a lot of X-Men comics in my time. Like a LOT.

From Uncanny to X-Men to New Mutants to Generation X to X-Factor. I read the fucking X-Terminators mini. I read EVERY goddamn Age of Apocalypse title from the original run (yes, even X-Universe) (But not Gambit and the X-ternals, because fuck that noise. Gambit sucks in any universe). 

I can tell you things about Beast (and Dark Beast), Havok, Artie and Leech, Thunderbird AND Warpath, Cassandra Nova, Senator Kelly, Wolverine (including that period when he didn’t have a nose and wore a bandanna for… reasons), Husk, Bishop, Gambit (know your enemy), Sugarman, Random, Maggot, and about a bajillion others (but if we REALLY get into this topic I’ll probably talk mostly about Mohawk Storm because Mohawk Storm makes me feel feelings about things). 

Anyway, I have a lot of X-knowledge and I still don’t understand how Magik’s powers work. Is she a mutant? Is it magic? I think there are demons involved? Why is she in the X-Men? Shouldn’t she be kicking around with Dr. Strange and Wong? 

I don’t get it. 

And yeah, I probably could have read a Wiki or even flipped the card over (or just looked at the back while I was mugging for the camera here), but what is this a RESEARCH blog about reading? No it is not. 

You wanna start some fights? 

Have a conversation with almost any X-Men fan and casually mention a preference for either the above pictured (totally stupid) yellow and brown costume or the classic (and a million times superior) yellow and blue. 

Then just sit back and watch the sparks fly. 

There’s always that one woman in your life. You know the one. THAT one. 

Maybe it’s an on again/off again relationship or a long distance thing or maybe a “friends with benefits when we’re in the same place we’re together unless we’re not and it’s all really confusing” mess. 

But no matter HOW you define it, when she comes to town it’s never quiet and shit goes DOWN and it’s so fucking passionate and chaotic and crazy and you’re in love, but as great as it is it’s also hella complicated and sometimes tempers flare and you fight and shit keeps getting blown up and there are probably some space pirates or alien parasites or some intergalactic conflict bringing the possibility of the extermination of all life on earth crashing down on your doorstep? 

Yeah, I’ve been in that relationship. At least Xavier gets a hover-chair out of the deal. 

super-graphic:

Storm stats.

Sadly they failed to include the most vital Storm stat of them all: Percentage better (and hotter) Mohawk Storm is than all other Storms: 1,000,000,000,000,000% 

Don’t even question this. I’ve done the maths. 

xcyclopswasrightx:

Just found my favorite Gambit cosplay, EVER.

Anyone know her name?

Ok… This is an improvement. 

But Gambit is still awful. 

I’ve covered most of Kylun’s shortcomings in a previous post (nice hair, dick (Not Kylun, me. Well… also Kylun I guess))., but never let it be said that I’m not willing to beat a dead horse if there’s even a micron of (supposed) comedy to squeeze out of it. 

So here’s the Jim Lee baddassified version of Kylun and I’ll admit he looks a little tougher than the last one, but Kylun gonna Kylun so I’m not sure how seriously I can take the Michael Winslow from Police Academy of Excalibur no matter HOW many swords and grimaces he has. 

And between the fur and the metal pants (and how do THOSE even work? Even if they DO have some sort of space technology that makes them lightweight and flexible or whatever you just KNOW Kylun has gotten lil Kylun pinched in there somewhere and that’s GOT to hurt… no wonder he looks so mad.) KyKy has got to smell like a wet dog blanket that’s been in the trunk for a month. 

Additional Notes: Way too keep the background simple and uncluttered here, Ed. Doorway, three different bits of trim/molding converging, tiny bit of action figure over my shoulder, smoke detector… bang up job paying attention to the details. Idiot. 

daveloves90scomics:

terribletriplefeatures:

Punisher 2099 by Joe Jusko

This is for you, Shawn Depasquale.

You only THINK his crotch is super well armored and protected, but if memory serves those cylinder-y things were some kind of grenade/missile explosive devices. 

If I had to choose a place to carry my high explosives it probably wouldn’t be right on top of my dick, but that’s just me. 

The future is weird… 

daveloves90scomics:

X-Men Pool Party, Y’all!! Jim Lee 1992

How awesome does the X-Men pool party look? Beast’s cannonball, Iceman freezing the pool, Colossus and Jubilee’s flex-off, Gambit creeping on the ladies, Wolverine may be the first dude to ever pull off male Daisy Dukes cut-offs, but by golly he is and I’m not ashamed to admit it. 

Psylocke in a bathing suit is responsible for at least 2/3 of my puberty. 

AT LEAST! 

I almost shut this entire thing down. 

Of all the trials and tribulations of running this site (and here I’m mostly talking about the brain-space I’ve had to dedicate to wastes of time like The New Warriors) THIS bullshit was almost too much to bear. 

I’d killed the entire box of packs and after sorting and stacking and putting everything in place because there’s a place for everything I was ONE. CARD. SHORT! of the full Danger Room picture. 

Unacceptable. 

I swear to Mojo II I was about to start trawling eBay for single X-Men Series II cards and if that’s not rock bottom I don’t know what is (writing this much about The Danger Room isn’t too far away now that I think about it). 

But then I saw it. Hiding there under a pile of discarded pack wrappers like one last onion ring hiding under the side salad that came with your burger that you KNEW you weren’t going to eat I spotted one last unopened pack. 

Could it be? Could I BE that lucky? Could The Phoenix Force smile down and bestow its splendiferousness upon me in the form of the one all important missing card? 

Believe in miracles, friends. Because as improbable as it sounds that’s EXACTLY what happened. 

Boom! Done. 

So now I can die happy… Or at least moderately less sad I guess. 

And yes, bury me with my Marvel Cards. ALL of them (especially the holograms… You can keep the Gambits). 

Uncanny X-Men in a basketball match by Jim Lee

I can’t even tell you how much I always loved the sports themed issues and scenes from X-Men. Anytime they’d play softball, football, basketball, or whatever it was always great. 

Even if they always followed a similar pattern of “hey we said no powers!” they were still so so great. 

If they sold a collection of all of those I swear I’d buy it. 

(via brianmichaelbendis)

daveloves90scomics:

Rob Liefeld and Eazy-E. Youngbloodz n Crips. Because 90’s.

Yeah, so when I’m wondering what the hell was going on in the 90’s to produce such whacked out cards and characters as currently featured (mocked) on A Guy With Some Marvel Cards I have to remember that it was an era that produced team-ups and photographs like this one. 

Stuff like Epoch looks downright normal by comparison, doesn’t it? 

(Now an Eazy-E/Easy Reader crossover? THAT would have been RAD!)

Anonymous asked: i have 1995 marvel cards i was wondering how much they would worth. they contain spider man green goblin black cat captain america and one gold signture card

I get this question, or a question like this, somewhat regularly and i always MEAN to get around to answering… and then never do. Because I’m the worst. 

Here’s the thing: I have NO EARTHLY IDEA. I picked up the boxes of cards that I feature on this site from joints like eBay and Craigslist or from the “please buy this so we don’t have to pack it up and take it back home” bin at comic cons. 

My best guess, since nearly everything from the 90’s was over-printed, over-collected, and over-hoarded, is that they ain’t worth much (bear in mind that I am not a collectibles expert or a financial adviser… which should be evident based on the fact that I spend my disposable income on comic book trading cards that I buy over the internet). 

But at least you have the memories. The precious precious memories. 

Even if you can’t sell ‘em for beer/rent/ransom money you can at least flip through the cards and marvel (see what I did there?) at the majestic history of the Marvel Universe. Have fun! 

I was on a podcast! Loikamania episode 115 to be exact. 

And I was great! Ok, the other guys were great, but I think I kept up ok. 

We talked about 90’s comics and if you like Marvel Trading Cards (and I assume that you do because you’re reading this, but maybe you just like beard-y guys making stupid facial expressions at a webcam and if so you’re out of luck because I haven’t done a podcast about that… yet) then chances are you’re a fan of 90’s comics.

If you’re not a fan of 90’s comics you’re probably at least AWARE of them (unless you had some sort of of experimental brain surgery to remove all knowledge of 90’s comics from your brain. Which I GUESS is possible, but that seems unlikely and more than a little extreme even if it WOULD scrub all remnants of Maximum Carnage from your brain… Hmmmm… Actually, if you DID get that surgery can you give me the name of your doctor?). 

In any event perhaps you’ll enjoy hearing two handsome and funny gentlemen and also me talking about 90’s comics. I guess it’s also possible (a pessimist might even say probable) that you’ll hate every single second of it. I can’t help you with that, but I am a little curious about the long series of life choices that brought you to this point in your existence where you’re incapable of feeling joy.

I pity you. 

Wherever you fall on the “ability to feel joy” spectrum you should definitely listen to this podcast. For a fun drinking game take a drink every time I interrupt Pat or Dave, talk over everyone else, derail the conversation, or get distracted and forget what I was  

Later, when you sober up (assuming you aren’t dead from alcohol poisoning within the first 18 minutes of the show), you should listen to ALL of Pat’s podcasts and follow him on Twitter because he likes comics and you like comics so maybe you’ll all be best friends forever.

On a personal note, I like Pat. I’m envious of his boundless optimism and steadfast commitment to talking about and supporting things that he likes in and about comics instead bitching about and shitting all over things he doesn’t like. It’s an ugly place where comics meet the internet and it can quickly turn into a wretched hive of scum and villainy where cynical, cowardly, and superstitious fans spend more time talking about what they DON’T like (writers who mix their pop culture references) than what they do (beards). But Pat says “FUCK THAT” (he probably says it nicer than that because he’s SO fucking nice) and commits his time and energy to books, artists, writers, and stories that he genuinely enjoys. Pat’s a pretty great guy (even if he is constantly threatening to destroy me). 

And because I don’t want Dave to feel left out (and because I sort of owe him a solid since I stole the entire premise of this very site from him), you should do ALL of your Christmas and/or Hanukkah shopping at his Lucky Lefty Art Emporium and Discount Speaker Outlet (which may not be what his online shop is actually called, but maybe it should be. That one’s on me Dave. We’re even now.) because he’s a ridiculously talented painter and you or someone you love would be damn lucky to hang one of his paintings on your or their wall (people you hate would probably like his paintings as well, but seriously why are you buying Christmas presents for your enemies? If you’re anything like me that’s going to, like, triple the amount of shopping you have to do). 

I don’t know who in the Marvel U throws the craziest sex parties, but I’m almost sure The Hellfire Club cracks the top 5. Let’s do a rundown of the top five (in no particular order other than the order I thought of these): 

Hellfire Club: This is some old-style ruffly collars for the gentlemen and fancy corsets for the ladies sex partying. Cream of the crop, high quality talent. Lots of chains and whips and freaky bondage stuff. 

The Hand: Crazy-ass orgies and with all the ninja masks it’s all pretty anonymous so you can really cut loose, but you have to smoke a bunch of weird ninja drugs to “expand your mind” first and what’s the point of a crazy ninja orgy if you’re too fucking stoned to even remember any of it, right?.

The Serpent Society: Trick question. No one wants to sleep with anyone in the Serpent Society. They keep trying to throw super villain swinger parties, but no one shows up and then it’s just kind of sad. Plus they have all these leftover cheese and crackers. 

AIM: You know how the accounting department wherever you work seems like a bunch of uptight, number crunching, nerdlingers, but then the company Christmas party rolls around and they get a few drinks in them and all of the sudden Tina from Accounts Payable is dancing topless on a table and then she disappears into a supply closet with Craig and Scott from Payroll? Like that. But with lasers and weather controlling machines and shit. M.O.D.O.K. just likes to watch. It’s as weird as it sounds.  

The Sinister Six: All dudes. That doesn’t stop them from exploring some stuff.